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3 Lies We Believe About Sex

By: stephanie long

We are bombarded with conflicting lies about sex.

Don’t have sex; it’s bad!

Have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want; it’s great!

Living as if lies were truth hurt me, my marriage, and those I love. But once I began to embrace truth, I began to heal and reverse the effects of living the lies.

3 Lies We Believe About Sex

1. Sex is dirty and bad.

Well-meaning Christians say this to help us avoid the sin and pain of pre-marital sex, but when we bring that mindset into our marriages, our intimacy suffers.  

The truth is God made sex, and sex is good. Within marriage, sex is a beautiful, God-honoring, pure expression of love.

Enjoying married sex is so important to God He devoted an entire book of the Bible to it. “Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love” tells us God created sex for married couples to enjoy (Song of Songs 5:1).

Song of Songs is a great place to start if you want to read more about God's plan for you to have amazing sex with your spouse.

2. Sex is just physical.

While some churches teach that sex is dirty and bad, popular culture tells us sex is just physical. We want to believe we can get physical satisfaction without emotional or spiritual consequences.

The truth is sex is an intimate exchange that binds two people together. Chemicals, such as oxytocin, are released in the brain, during sex, to create an emotional bond between the couple. The more we do it the stronger the bond. But, the more people we do it with, the harder it becomes to form that bond with the next person (via Barbara Wilson). That’s why God designed sex for marriage. When we have sex, we physically, emotionally and spiritually become one. (Genesis 2:24)

3. Sex is the next step when two people love each other.

If sex bonds us, isn't it the next step when two people love each other?

The truth is sex outside of God's design is not love, it's lust. Love is sacrificially seeking what’s best for the other person. Lust is selfishly seeking what will make me happy in the moment.

God designed sex to be a beautiful expression of love in marriage. Sex prior to marriage (even by weeks or a day) is lust, is a distortion of God’s creation, and hurts us and the person we love (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

How To Heal From the Lies

What do you do if you’ve been living out any of these lies?

Turn to Jesus. He wants to change your thinking on sex so you can have an amazing sex life with your current or future spouse. God wants you to experience the blessing of sex the way He designed it. I have believed every one of these lies, and I am beyond grateful that by God’s grace He has forgiven me, and is healing me. He wants to do the same for you; all you have to do is ask.

If you would like to talk to or pray with someone about your sexual past or present email us at or visit the Care Room at your campus on Sunday.

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