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A Letter from Satan to the Church

Satan loves religion. It may seem odd to those who think of Satan as red and evil to realize that his finest weapon throughout generations is religion. If he can keep us distracted with religion to the point that we neglect a relationship with Jesus, Satan wins the day.

A person can be religious and not have Christ (Matthew 7:22-23). Even for the Christ-follower, religion can distract us from what is important. When we fall into the trap of religion, we act as if Jesus’ work on the cross means nothing. Religion causes us to strive for salvation that is already bought and paid for. There are devastating consequences. To see the subtlety of this trap, we’ll look at this from the Satan's angle. Because many of us grew up in religious environments, some of this may sound like great advice. As you read, remind yourself that Satan is a liar and Satan loves religion. 

Dear church-goer,

I’d like to offer you six tips that will help you make the most of your religious experience.

1) Stay super busy.

The ‘big guy’ hates lazy people. The whole idea that he wants people to rest or what’s worse, ‘rest in him,’ is ludicrous. All the charity work, volunteering at the soup-kitchen, and the Tuesday night and Thursday early morning bible studies show you’re working hard. Those required activities will not only make you feel good about yourself but will also have others saying how spiritual you are. Stay busy at church with other church people.

2) Make other peoples' opinions primary.

Christianity is primarily about appearances. For example, praying in public is key. Publicity is good for business. During your prayer, quote lots of scripture. People should know you’re a bible guy, that way if they have any questions, they know who to go to. Offering time can be great for building personal equity in the church as well. When church people think you’re a big giver, it’s likely you’ll be given a leadership role. Don’t be too over-zealous because you don’t want to come off as ‘that guy.’

3) Cultivate an attitude of entitlement.

You deserve a title after all the work you’ve put in at church. Since god is in control, at least that’s what I’ve heard, it stands to reason that you would take a break from all the sweaty, grimy serving. People who have been around as long as you deserve to be served.

4) Repent, but don’t confess.

I noticed the other day that you were praying about that secret sin again. Just so long as you don’t confess that same ‘shortcoming’ to friend, I think you’ll be fine. Some have falsely claimed that there is healing waiting if you ‘just confess.’ If you confess, shame and condemnation brought on by people knowing your business will soon follow. Preachers say repentance is cheap without confession. Don’t believe that.

5) Focus on the rules.

I’ve always said everything works better when people are following the rules. Take it a step further and make sure to help others follow the rules. The best rules are ones you make up yourself. I do that all the time. People will be more likely to comply if you call your made up rules “traditions.” Some would say you’re just tying up heavy loads on other men’s shoulders but in reality, you’re doing god a favor.

6) Focus only on what you’re doing right.

I’m sure everyone would be pleased that you’ve been tithing since you were four years old. You tithe on everything! Just make sure you keep the focus on these ‘measurables.’ If you start adding things you’re missing like justice, mercy, and faithfulness, you’ll make it difficult to measure your spiritual maturity and get credit for what you are doing for god. It may seem that mercy and faithfulness would be good but you’ve got to remember that the church is primarily for insiders.

I hope these tips are helpful. I can’t wait till you see me again.
Sincerely, Not a Bad Dude.

To see what God says, read the following:

1 Samuel 16:7
Matthew 11:28
Matthew 15:1-20
Matthew 23

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