How I Fixed My Spouse and How You Can, Too

Ashley Wheelon

I wasn’t married long when I realized my husband wasn’t perfect. If I’m being completely honest, I knew before the wedding day. Lucky for him, I knew just how to “fix” him.

I thought my husband could use some help becoming the spiritual leader of our family, so I mentioned a few of his shortcomings, suggested some improvements he could make, and let him know when he wasn’t measuring up. My frustration grew when my nagging didn’t produce a new-and-improved spouse. No matter how hard I tried to make my husband look more like Jesus, nothing worked. I was ready to give up until I found the one thing that made a difference.

I decided to let God work on my husband. My job was to pray.

God doesn’t call us to fix our spouses, He calls us to love them.

It’s not uncommon for spouses to be in a different place spiritually. Whether the issue is coming to church, praying together, or joining a group, it can be discouraging when you and your spouse have different desires. It’s tempting to pull out the toolbox and get to work on those differences. But God doesn’t call us to fix our spouses, He calls us to love them.

3 Promises For The Man or Woman Who Wants More For Their Spouse

1. You are part of God’s plan for your spouse.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). Only the God of the universe can weave His best plan for you with His best plan for your spouse and make it beautiful. God’s plan is to pursue your spouse the same way He relentlessly pursues you.

2. Your love and prayers are not wasted.

After assuring us of God’s plans, the very next verse says God listens to our prayers (Jeremiah 29:12). He can use our silent prayers in combination with our loving behavior to speak so powerfully that the Bible says it can win over even an unbelieving spouse (1 Peter 3:1-2).

3. God will give you what you need to do His work.

Choosing to let God work in your spouse is a decision that changes you.

God chose you and has equipped you to love your spouse. The strength you need to keep loving, praying, and walking in faith comes from the Lord. As God equips you to love your spouse, you look more and more like Jesus (Hebrews 13:21).

The Lord has done immeasurably more than I ever asked or imagined for my husband, just like Ephesians 3:20 promises. Today, I’m married to a man who deeply loves Jesus and passionately wants others to know Him. My husband leads our family in such a way that only God can take the credit.

Learn from my mistakes. Let the One who created your spouse change your spouse. 

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