How to handle family drama

Family. Ah, sweet family.

Suddenly, Charles Dickens’ famous quote, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times” comes to mind. Don’t pretend your family is continually harmonious and never feels like a train wreck. Families consist of people, and people fight.

Your brother stole from you, your parents won’t stop coming around, your kids think you have more money than you really do, your spouse doesn’t communicate—I could make a list a million miles long of family issues. We all know we have them, but do we all know how to handle them?

I have had my fair share of family issues, from sibling rivalries to in-law misunderstandings. In my experience, these four actions have helped along the way.

4 Ways To Deal With Family Drama

1. Take A Breath

Literally close your eyes and take a deep breath. While you do, remember James 1:19: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

If your ears are open and your mouth is closed, it’s impossible to say something you will regret! Listen to your family member, young or old, like you’d want Jesus to listen to you. It's OK to step away for a few minutes to gather yourself and pray for guidance. In fact, Romans 8:26 tells us “the Spirit helps us in our weakness.” If you simply take a breath, you will be surprised how smoothly an argument can go.

2. Put Their Needs Above Your Own

Philippians 2:3 says to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” This includes any and all family issues. For example, your mother-in-law is too clingy with your husband. Instead of telling her whose man he is, take a breath and put her needs above your own. Is she lonely? Does she need someone to talk to?

Or maybe your brother can’t stop asking you for money. Instead of telling him to grow up and get a job, consider how he feels. Hopeless? Unsuccessful? Useless? If we simply change our perspective, our end goal transforms completely.

If we simply change our perspective, our end goal transforms completely.

3. Watch Your Mouth

I’m sure we have all said something we regretted. That is inevitable because we are human and born sinners. I’m also sure we have had hurtful things said to us.

Has a hurtful, damaging phrase ever made you feel better about yourself? Do you actually want to resolve an argument while cruel conversation is ensuing? Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Take a breath, put others’ needs before your own, and then speak in kindness.

4. Resolve Before Sunset

There is nothing worse then a prolonged issue. Good or bad, we like resolution. We have a hunger for outcome. It certainly isn’t easy trying to rearrange your schedule or habits just to avoid “them.” Paul says it best in the second half of Ephesians 4:26: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

This isn’t advice; it’s instruction. Resolve your issues before you go to bed. This includes a marital dispute, parental indifference, sibling spats, child conundrums, and friend falling-outs. Once you’ve put one issue behind you, the next one won’t be so intimidating.

Related Content

to Discover More

Article

What Jesus really said about relationships

family community love relationships

When someone you love tells you something more than once, you listen. It’s important to that person, so... read more

Read Article

Article

Surviving Father’s Day when you have a broken relationship with your dad

family healing fatherhood forgiveness

Father’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of our amazing dads. It’s about superhero dads who ... read more

Read Article

Article

One way you can change your family

family forgiveness relationships

Our family, especially our parents, can wound us deeper than anyone else. I used to get so agitated when I s... read more

Read Article

Article

Why you should stop trying to avoid conflict

relationships humility conflict

Conflict is inevitable. People are flawed and the world is broken, so we shouldn’t be surprised when we... read more

Read Article

Article

What happens when your faith interferes with family?

family faith conflict

Like a lot of people in South Carolina, I grew up in a safe, cushiony small town church. Every Sunday, we san... read more

Read Article

Article

Four ways the church is like a big family

family community church relationships

My dad’s side of the family is pretty close. We eat a big family meal at Thanksgiving and take a vacati... read more

Read Article

Sermon

For Better and for Worse

From Tighten the Knot

March 5, 2018

marriage forgiveness anger conflict

Marriage is a commitment to love each other for better or worse. It's easy to love each other when life i... read more

Watch Sermon

Story

How a football star shined in the darkness

Sep 2, 2018

family evangelism community relationships friendship grief

High school standout Jacory Benson racked up yards and acclaim, but his no ordinary family changed the game.

Read Story

Story

A Mother’s Special Love — And The Surprise Gift That Changed A Family’s Life

May 8, 2016

family community salvation relationships generosity parenting giving

A single mom struggling to raise a daughter with cerebral palsy experiences God’s love through the gift... read more

Read Story

Story

How a Gauntlet leader opened her heart and her home to a student in crisis

April 29, 2017

death family community salvation addiction relationships compassion

A friendship, begun on the bus home from Gauntlet, turned into a lifeline when Hope Aho's mom accidentall... read more

Read Story

Story

Abortions, rape, and wrecked relationships no longer define me

Jan 15, 2017

forgiveness relationships sex abortion rape guilt

Becca Garvin’s life was scarred by pain, shame and regret, but she found hope in getting past her past.... read more

Read Story

Story

How a hurting teen and a hoping-to-be mom became no ordinary family

June 6, 2017

family salvation fatherhood relationships parenting infertility mothers

Quentin Shaver felt abandoned by a broken family. When he met Meg Cook, her heart already had a place where h... read more

Read Story

What's happening at NewSpring Church?

  • Need to Know: Weekly email to keep you informed about what's happening at NewSpring
  • Fuse News: Email for Fuse parents sent on the first Monday of the month
  • KidSpring Scoop: Email sent at the beginning of each series to give you the scoop on what's happening in KidSpring
  • Read My Bible: Daily devotional sent via text from 6-7am

Subscribe