How to pursue a girl you’re interested in

AJ Turner

As men, we know we are supposed to pursue a girl. But what does that really look like? 

To pursue is “to chase after someone or something.” So how do we practically chase after a girl without creeping her out? What can we learn from the Bible about how to do this well?

Refocus on Who You Are Pursuing 

Many of us go through life trying to find “the one.” We focus our efforts on finding that special someone instead of trying to be that someone. 

Instead of pursuing 'the one,' the Bible teaches us to chase after Jesus, who is the One.

Instead of pursuing “the one,” the Bible teaches us to chase after Jesus, who is the One. In Genesis, both Adam and Eve had a relationship with God before they had a relationship with each other. They knew how to love each other because they had experienced God’s love for them. 

The same is true when it comes to how we pursue. The best way to pursue a woman is by chasing after her the way Jesus chased after us. Don’t give her your leftovers, and don’t make her come to you. Jesus met us where we were, and He gave us His all (Romans 3:23). Pursuing us took sacrifice, and pursuing her will, too. 

Are You Willing to Work?

In Genesis 29, Jacob was willing to work hard for a long time to be with the girl he was interested in. Like Jacob, it’s going to take some effort on your part to get the girl you're interested in interested in you. It’s probably going to take time as well. You might have to venture out of your comfort zone, start the conversation. Anything worth anything is going to involve you giving some effort.

Consider the ways Jesus pursued relationships, both with the people He ministered to and the people who became His close friends: 

  • Jesus gave His time to developing deep friendships. Jesus and His disciples traveled the world and did everything together. 
  • Jesus gave His money and attention to those in need, traveling out of His way to meet a Samaritan woman and stopping a large crowd so He could lock eyes with a woman who had been healed (John 4, Mark 5:25-34
  • Jesus shared His fears, dreams, and emotions instead of trying to hold it all in (Matthew 13:34, Matthew 26:36-56). 
  • Jesus put others’ needs first, taking the time to teach when His body probably craved sleep (Matthew 9:35-38). 
  • Jesus forgave often (Luke 23:34, John 21:15-17). 

The bottom line: If you’re going to pursue a girl like Jesus pursued you, it’s going to cost you time, money, and attention. It’s going to require you to be vulnerable, to put her needs first, and to forgive often. 

The Pursuit Is Worth It

To chase after something new, you’ll have to give up the thing you’re chasing now. To gain something new, you’ll have to give up something else to make room. In other words, pursuit will require you to make sacrifices. 

Jesus pursued His bride, the church, by sacrificing Himself (Ephesians 5:25-33). He gave up His life in order that we might have one. The same way Jesus set aside His life for us, we are to sacrifice our desires and agendas to pursue the woman we are interested in. 

Put her first. Jesus gave His life, so you could probably give up a Tuesday night and go to the movie she likes. Making sacrifices and putting her agenda before your own isn't easy but it sure is worth it.

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