How to win the mommy wars

Anna Collins

“Your kids go to public school?”

The judgment dripped out of her mouth as she made a face that looked like she had taken a deep breath inside a trashcan. She said it like it was a bad word, like my kids were doomed. I quietly slipped the envelope I was holding back into my overly large mommy purse.

I guess I can cross her kids off the birthday party list, I thought, because surely she wouldn’t let her kids around my heathen kids who go to public school.

Mothers of All Judgment

I don’t know if you have noticed or not, but mothers are constantly on trial. The sad thing is that other mothers are the judge and jury:

  • Do you breastfeed or bottle feed?
  • Do you stay home or work outside the home?
  • Do you vaccinate or not?
  • Do you spank or not spank?

Moms sharpen their weapon of choice — the tongue — and prepare to do battle by loudly voicing their opinions. Whether we mean to or not, we become the moms who cut down others with our words.

Parenting is hard. The decisions we make as mothers impact our children for the rest of their lives. Whenever we get into the middle of a mommy war, we leave feeling judged and insecure about our own parenting. We worry we’re messing up the very people we love most in the world. So what do you do when you find yourself in the middle of a battle?

Battle Strategies for the Mommy Wars

Remember what is right for one may not be right for another.

Romans 14:5 states, “One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike.  Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.” When you are faced with a situation that causes you to question your parenting, seek Jesus. Ask Him what He wants for your family.

If your opinion is different than other moms, that’s OK. God gave you your specific children to raise on purpose.

If your opinion is different than other moms, that's OK. God gave you your specific children to raise on purpose. You know your kids better than anyone; while getting advice from others is great, you are best suited to decide what is best for your family.

Encourage other mothers.

Moms need all the encouragement we can get. Sometimes we moms just need to talk. We need a listening ear, not the parenting police blowing a whistle on us.

James 1:19 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Instead of arguing about which method of parenting is right or wrong, listen to other mothers’ opinions and offer advice only when asked.

Point your kids to Jesus by making your relationship with Jesus strong.

At the end of the day, the biggest impact we have on our kids is our own relationship with Jesus. Our kids watch us. They see what is important to us and it inevitably influences them as well. Of all the convictions you have as a parent, make Jesus the center of it.

There was a day when the judgment of another mother would have caused me to lose sleep at night. The older my kids get, I know where my focus is, and those little comments bother me less and less. I seek God’s guidance, as well as the advice of a few trusted mothers.

We can make it through the mommy wars. Our top priority as mothers is to raise our kids into adults who are radically in love with Jesus and are fully operating in His calling on their life. Everything else fades into the background.

Meet other moms, get together, do what you love, and encourage each other in the parenting journey. Get connected at KidSpring or find an interest group at

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