Please stop acting like my roommate and start acting like my spouse

You started off young and in love. The carefree days of newlyweds merged into work routines and obligations. Children entered the picture and your schedules got busier. You both got worn out. Dishes stayed piled in the sink and bills remained unpaid. Silent resentment developed you each saw problems but didn’t have the time or energy to bring them up.

Without intending to, many spouses wake up one day and no longer feel married. Instead of experiencing the “one flesh” union God designed, husband and wives live as angry roommates.

Living in the same house with separate lives doesn’t make a marriage. Roommates live parallel lives, but marriage is more than romance and more than friendship. It takes multiple types of love.

Four Ways to Act Less Like Roommates and More Like Spouses

1. Confide in each other.

The purpose of marriage is oneness between a husband and wife (Genesis 2:24). Intimacy is found when a spouse says to the other, “This is something I’ve told you and no one else.” If one or both spouses are confiding the most personal aspects of their lives with people outside the marriage, they are not upholding the intimacy their relationship needs and deserves.

2. Have sex.

If you’re married, sex is not optional. God designed sex for marriage, and He wants spouses to appreciate and frequently enjoy sex with each other (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)! If your marriage doesn’t include physical intimacy on a regular basis, one or both spouses need to demonstrate the love you committed to on your wedding day. Yes, there are times and reasons when one—or both—of you aren't up for it, so communicate and operate with care for each other.

Emotions come and go, but love is a choice.

3. Form a friendship.

If a marriage is built on romantic passion alone, it won’t last very long. Emotions come and go, but love is a choice. You’re going to spend a lot of life with your spouse over the years, so you should practice being a good friend. Look out for the interests of your spouse. Encourage, support and have fun with one another (Philippians 2:1-4). Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It’s a promise to remain faithful no matter the circumstances.

4. Serve each other.

Marriage is not just about love, or sex, or one person controlling the other. It is about both spouses submitting to each other and loving each other. It is a model of Jesus’s love for the Church, and both husband and wife are to practice loving and serving like Jesus (Ephesians 5:21-30).

Related Content

to Discover More

Article

10 date night ideas that cost $50 or less

marriage dating husbands wives

Tired of doing the same old thing? Dates don't have to be predictable or pricey. When you've got a l... read more

Read Article

Article

10 date night ideas that cost $30 or less

marriage dating husbands wives

Think there's nothing left to do that you haven't already done? Challenge accepted.  Get a sitt... read more

Read Article

Article

10 date night ideas that cost $10 or less

marriage dating husbands wives

No budget for date night? No problem.  With a little creativity, you can get off the couch and started ... read more

Read Article

Article

20 questions to improve your marriage

marriage relationships husbands sex wives

God is for your marriage! If you will commit to working on it, He can bring you closer together.  ... read more

Read Article

Article

What every married couple needs to know

marriage husbands wives

Marriage includes a bit of everything: the greatest joys, the most aggravating frustrations, and everything i... read more

Read Article

Article

Are you taking your spouse for granted?

marriage husbands wives

My husband and I headed to pick up our kids from KidSpring when I ran into one of my besties. As moms, we don... read more

Read Article

Article

Seven ways to love your spouse on Valentine's Day

marriage love husbands wives

Love isn’t always in the air; it’s got to be demonstrated by actions. Demonstrating love is one o... read more

Read Article

Article

Do you know the four things women really want?

marriage relationships sex wives

Marriage is God’s creation. It’s a gift and a picture of His love for His followers. God desires ... read more

Read Article

Article

Three lies newlyweds believe about sex

marriage husbands sex wives

My husband, Chris, and I dated for over a year before we were married. By God's grace, we remained pure t... read more

Read Article

Sermon

The Best Marriage Advice

From Tighten the Knot

March 12, 2018

marriage purpose husbands wives

Marriage is the greatest opportunity to declare to the world that the Gospel is true. Marriage takes work, bu... read more

Watch Sermon

Sermon

The Seasons of Marriage

From Tighten the Knot

March 18, 2018

marriage relationships husbands wives

Marriages will go through several seasons — from learning each other as newlyweds, to the challenges of... read more

Watch Sermon

Sermon

God’s Perfect Plan for Marriage

From Tighten the Knot

Feb 26, 2018

marriage husbands wives

Marriage is failing in America because we’ve stopped following God’s plan. When we do marriage Go... read more

Watch Sermon

What's happening at NewSpring Church?

  • Need to Know: Weekly email to keep you informed about what's happening at NewSpring
  • Fuse News: Email for Fuse parents sent on the first Monday of the month
  • KidSpring Scoop: Email sent at the beginning of each series to give you the scoop on what's happening in KidSpring
  • Read My Bible: Daily devotional sent via text from 6-7am

Subscribe