The danger in planning your wedding before you meet the groom

Modesty Brantley

Peonies and pearls. Candlelight and dancing. Maybe you’re more of a barefoot on the beach, flowers in your hair, kind of girl. Either way, most women have been dreaming of their wedding day since they were little girls playing Barbies and dress-up.

Considering that we were made for relationship — first with God, then with one another — it makes sense. Our hearts long for the union marriage brings because we were created for it. So what’s wrong with planning ahead? Why not get all the details together while you wait for a groom?

Daydreaming of your special day is one thing, but planning a wedding complete with hashtags and cake flavors then plugging in the groom is a different story.

Two Reasons to Hold Off on Wedding Planning

1. Your attention becomes focused on what’s temporary instead of what will last.

Planning a wedding is fun! Weddings are meant to be enjoyed and celebrated, but it’s only a day. Marriage, in biblical terms, lasts a lifetime (Matthew 19:6).

Weddings last a day, marriage lasts a lifetime.

If you find yourself in a season of waiting and longing for a relationship, it can also be a season for growth and drawing closer to Jesus. This time before marriage is a gift. It is the best time to focus on becoming a good gift for a future spouse, so cherish it. Marriage is a covenant, meant to last. At its best, marriage honors God and symbolizes His relationship with us (Ephesians 5:28-32). Isn’t that something worth preparing for?

2. You rob yourself of the joy of dreaming together.  

Have you ever let someone down unintentionally? Maybe a friend had the perfect birthday celebration in mind, but instead, you brought a cupcake to work and called it a day. Your friend is disappointed, and you’re confused. You had no idea she had something specific in mind and hoped you would come through.

Now, imagine your future groom learning there’s no way he can fulfill the dreams and plans you’ve been making for years without him. Not only does that set you up for disappointment, it sets your future husband up for failure.

Waiting to plan the perfect ceremony isn’t giving up on a dream. It isn’t admitting defeat. It’s making room for God to shape you, your man, and then your perfect day.

Psalm 37:4 tells us, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When we take delight in the Lord first and foremost, He aligns our desires with His. And what He desires is always better than what we would have planned.  

It’s hard to ignore the carefully-styled wedding bouquets and dresses on Pinterest, but the greatest gift you can give your future husband is not a perfectly planned wedding. The greatest gift you can give him is you, the best version of you — in love with Jesus, seeking God’s best for your life and following His plan.

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