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Three questions to ask before you say “I do” again

By: Jennifer DeWeil

“Till death do you part.” These are words that many of us have spoken and never realized that we may actually have to live them as a reality. Going into a marriage, we believe that it will last forever, never having to deal with the awkwardness of first dates or blind dates again. Yet, this “happily ever after” scenario is not always the direction life takes us.

Whether it was due to a situation beyond our control or due to our own sinful actions, marriages don’t always last forever. If you’re reading this and you find yourself dating again, you know the struggle that faces you in the world of relationships. Past hurts, past loves, and memories all weigh on how you open your heart and life up to another person.

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells the church in Ephesus to be like Christ and walk in the way of love. As believers today, this is still our charge. 

We are to live a life of love and stay clear of the things that would distract us from this goal. As you are wondering if marriage is your next step (again), consider these questions.

Is my decision to want to remarry based on sexual sin or impurity? 

In Ephesians 5:3, Paul says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” 

Paul knows that sexual sin taints what God intends to be pure. If the desire to remarry is due to an inability to control yourself in the area of intimacy, there may be a problem. Adding a wedding ring to a hand that is driven by selfishness and a constant desire for more will not make for a faithful spouse. 

Instead of letting sex be the driving force behind your decision, take time to seek the Lord. Ask Him to give you the control you need to date in a way that honors Him instead of honoring self. 

Have I honestly dealt with my past? 

Ephesians 5:8-16 reminds us that we were once in darkness, but are now living in the light of the Lord as believers. Light exposes darkness, it does not conceal it. 

If there is anything in your past that you try to hide or conceal from your future spouse, this could be a sign that you still have some healing to do before moving forward. While full disclosure may seem scary, the consequences of concealment are much greater. A relationship that lasts is built on trust, and this applies to your past as well as your future.

Have I sought counsel from people who love me and love Jesus?

In Ephesians 5:15 Paul instructs us to, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” Of all areas of our life, being careful to live wisely is vital in marriage. Before committing to marriage, ask people you can trust, people who love you and love Jesus, what they see in your relationship. 

Sign up for pre-marital counseling. Even though you’ve been married before, you’ve never married this person before. Why turn down the chance to study the Bible together or learn from a marriage mentor?

Ephesians 5 closes with a powerful charge for those who are looking to marry, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” 

Loving your future spouse well begins by loving them now as you check your heart and motives. As you begin to search your heart, ask God for wisdom about what He would have you do. (James 1:5) Then walk in faith trusting that the Lord has a good plan for you and your future.

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