Why Singles Should Stop Waiting
Courtney Couch
Being single is either exciting or pitiful. Who doesn’t love buying discount chocolate and watching The Notebook alone on their couch? The longer we’re single, the more we ask questions like “What’s wrong with me?” or “How long will I have to wait?” It’s easy to let these kinds of questions overwhelm you.
I grew up with people I love and respect encouraging me by saying, “You’re just in a season of life! Be patient and just wait for the right one.”
I’m not going to challenge their wisdom on that, because settling for someone out of loneliness is a dumb decision. The trouble comes when I re-interpret that advice to say: “Just wait.”
4 Signs It’s Time to Say Goodbye to the Waiting Game
1. You’re calling this period of time in your life a “singleness season.”
If I’m viewing my singleness as a season, then I’m confusing God’s promise to fulfill my life with a promise to fulfill my wishes. In John 10:10, Jesus says, “ I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” If I’m always putting goals, adventures, or experiences aside, then I’m setting myself up for disappointment by idolizing an imaginary relationship.
2. You’ve said, multiple times (this week), “When I get married, I’ll…”
No one has all the behind-the-scenes knowledge of their lives. Sometimes, we live as if our lives are on hold. Once we meet the right person, then we figure we’ll be able to accomplish our goals. But ultimately, the end goal of life is not marriage.
If I set my end goal as marriage, I’m putting all my trust into something that could be easily broken.
As a Christian, my end goal is going to change constantly as I pursue a life with Christ. If I set my end goal as marriage, I’m putting all my trust into something that could be easily broken.
3. You’re growing more and more anxious about your relationship status.
Often times, my anxiety reveals I have a lack of trust. I can say I trust God, but when it comes to my relationships, I really only trust one person to get it right—me. The Lord promises in Psalm 37:3-4: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
In order to prepare myself for a full life, I need to first invest in my relationship with Jesus — trusting Him and abiding in His promises above all else. Jesus is not going to call me to something He hasn’t prepared me for. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “God has called us to live in peace.”
4. You’ve seriously contemplated settling.
Settling for someone out of loneliness demonstrates a hunger for control. If I am following Christ consistently, I have to believe His promises. In Habakkuk 2:3, the Lord promises that His “revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.”
Waiting for the Lord’s vision does not necessarily mean that I am sitting on the sidelines, waiting for my spouse. Waiting on the Lord means I need to invest in preparation for whatever He will call me to do next.
There came a time where I had to ask myself: “What do you have on pause that you need to take off hold?” God consistently tells me what’s next when I take one small step of obedience after another.
God is doing a work in our lives that we would not have believed if He had told us about it in advance (Habakkuk 1:5). When I traded the plans I had for myself — marriage and babies — for whatever God had in store for me, He showed me that the only way I can lead a fulfilling life is if I am willing to trade my plans for His.