Why the church is the best place to question your gender identity

To share your struggle with others is to risk becoming an outcast. To keep it to yourself is to live in loneliness and isolation.

The church has good news for you: Jesus has always been a friend of outcasts (Luke 15:1-2, John 4:7-18, Mark 5:1-20). In fact, Jesus spent so much time with outsiders it angered the religious leaders of His day.

Jesus didn’t come to commend those who thought they had it all together. He came to walk beside the lonely and give them freedom and abundant life (John 10:10). And He offers the same to you.

Did God Make a Mistake on Me?

Psalm 139 says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Your anatomy was not an accident. God does not make mistakes. He made you with a specific purpose and gave you a gender at birth.

If you are wrestling with your gender identity, you might feel as if your body and your true self are at odds. You might find yourself asking whether God made a mistake with you. You might even feel like life would be easier if you were different. That’s understandable, but the answer is not gender-reassignment surgery or hormone therapy.

Remember, feelings can change. This doesn’t mean your feelings are not real; it means they’re unreliable. Building your identity on the fault line of feelings leads to continued uncertainty. 

But when you build your identity on who God says you are, you become “like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain fell, the torrents raged, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because its foundation was on the rock” (Matthew 7:24-27).

Why Do I Have to Be Male or Female?

“Am I male or female?” is a struggle to understand who you are. Once something as fundamental as gender becomes fluid, even the most foundational truths seem to shift and sway.

The popular argument today is that gender (what makes someone masculine or feminine) has nothing to do with sex (the body parts you’re born with), but the Bible makes no distinction between the two.

When God created the world, He chose to make man and woman in His image. And when He was finished creating humans as male and female, God declared His creation to be “very good” (Genesis 1:27- 31). There was no fluid scale in God’s perfect creation. 

Finding your identity in anything other than God’s design distorts your view of who you are meant to be. 

Everything changed when Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s command and sin entered the world (Genesis 3). Their personal connection with God was shattered. God’s perfect design was damaged by mankind’s sinfulness, and orderliness gave way to confusion and disarray. Because of sin, every person is born separated from God, and this separation leaves us searching for purpose and meaning in our lives.

The search for identity can lead in many different directions that offer temporary satisfaction at best. Occupation, financial success, family, sexual preference, gender, and physical appearance are some of the most common areas people try to find their worth, but each proves too flimsy to support the weight of true identity. Jesus died to free humanity from the sin that separates us from God. By confessing our belief in Jesus, we can have a relationship with God and discover His purpose for our lives (Romans 10:9).

You Don't Have to Struggle Alone

Understanding who you are in Christ is the only way to find lasting peace and purpose. If you’re dealing with questions about your gender and your identity, the best way to hear God speak to you is to surround yourself with other Christians and spend time reading the Bible.

Time with other Christians will encourage you as you see God change their lives, while reading the Bible for yourself will allow you to see God’s design and purpose for your life. Over time, as you follow Jesus and let Him work in you through the Holy Spirit, your identity will come into full alignment with who you were created to be as a man or a woman.

Take time to pray and ask God to show you how to live for Him. God promised to guide anyone who trusts Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). Then, when He leads you to do something, do it. If He asks you to give up something, don’t hesitate. God blesses obedience.

When you trust God’s leading and see Him bless your obedience (1 Samuel 15:22), your relationship with Him will grow stronger and your identity as His child will provide peace and assurance you won’t find anywhere else.

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