Open In App

My Success Was Killing Me

Jonathan Weaver's Story

I was tired of living.

"If I watch church online before I kill myself," I thought as I watched NewSpring live, "maybe God will have mercy on me."

The service was about Jesus's exposing people’s sin and setting them free. I attended NewSpring Charleston on a fairly regular basis after my brother and sister-in-law invited me. But it was the first time I’d heard about a pastor's depression, control issues and addiction to pornography.

I realized I wasn’t too damaged for Jesus to love me.

When I worked overseas, my life was focused on my own pleasure. I brought home $12,000 a month after taxes. I was single and owned cars, boats, and a nice house. Other guys were jealous of the life they thought I had.

I chased happiness in my money, prostitutes, drugs, alcohol, and porn.

Numb to life

But I wasn’t happy. I suffered from anger, depression, control issues, and a fear of being alone.

Then I lost my job and had to move back to the states. After several months of being unable to afford the pleasures that temporarily numbed my pain, I became even more depressed.

Then one Sunday, I decided to watch NewSpring online. The pastor didn’t just pray a prayer to get over his issues. He admitted his sins to a godly man.

You Can’t Say That in Church

Right then, I realized I wasn’t too damaged for Jesus to love me. I drove to the Charleston campus as fast as I could to find the campus pastor. I started crying and telling him where I was in life and all the things I’d done. He talked to me and prayed and let me just confess.

I’d never gone to a church where I could tell someone, “Hey, I drink, do drugs, fight depression, and have used prostitutes,” and not feel like I was being judged.

It was a huge weight off my shoulders. But something still didn’t feel right.

Breathing at least

I continued attending and eventually decided to join. During the ownership class, the pastor asked us on a scale of one to 10 how certain we were that we’d go to heaven when we die.

I didn’t feel certain. And then I realized that despite confessing my sins, I’d never surrendered my life to Jesus.

I was tired of trying to numb my depression with things that never satisfied. I wanted a relationship with Jesus. 

I talked about it with my host, and he prayed with me to ask Jesus to come into my life. For the first time, I felt like I could breathe.

My provider

It’s been a process, and I still have moments of sadness, but I no longer suffer from depression or struggle with my addictions, anger, or control issues. I don’t chase money anymore. 

I have a new job that pays me $12 an hour, and I am happy because Jesus provides for all of my needs.

My favorite day of the week is Sunday because I get to see Jesus change people’s lives the way He’s changed mine.

Download the NewSpring App

Like what you just read? Download the NewSpring App for an even better reading experience. You can read, share, and bookmark your favorites quickly and easily from your phone.

We want you to have a safe experience while using our site.

Unfortunately, there are security risks associated with your browser. To keep you protected we will be discontinuing support to this browser. Please visit for a secure browser update.