I'm learning to love the wait for "the one"
Four years ago, as a 19-year-old college student, I was experiencing my first dose of heartbreak.
I had struck up a friendship with this fella right when NewSpring was preaching the Eve and Adam series about relationships. It’s funny how God times things. Coincidence? I think not.
There was an instant connection with this guy. But somewhere deep down, I knew this boy was no good for me. I knew that I was avoiding asking certain questions. I knew there was a spiritual void in him.
But I liked him, and he liked me. In the moment, I reveled in the thought of a potential relationship, pushing to the side the Holy Spirit’s little nudges. I knew better, but my emotions were in control, not the word of God, which can be a dangerous thing.
The Jesus sweatshirts my nanny gave my brother, me, and my cousin for Christmas in 1995.
… Whoever I dated had to love Jesus. That was my No. 1 thing. So why was I letting this boy get by?
A Questionable Relationship
I began distancing myself from God. I felt guilty about not reading my Bible and worshipping like I used to, but I didn’t want to return to God. I knew what He would tell me — walk away. I just wasn’t ready to give up this possible relationship.
But God has this way of being extremely persistent, and for that, I am thankful. During one of the messages in the series, the pastor asked the women a series of questions:
“Are you attracted to him?” Well, yeah.
“Do you get along with each other?” Sure.
“Does he love Jesus?” Uh…?
The Holy Spirit, again, poked at my heart.
Then another question:
“Are there issues with him you’re avoiding?” The answer to that was Yes.
I’ve known Jesus since I was a young child, and I’ve always told myself that whoever I dated had to love Jesus. That was my No. 1 thing. So why was I letting this boy get by?
Shortly after, I received a text from this boy saying he was “not good for me” and proceeded to tell me a list of his own personal faults. It’s sad when the other person realizes you’re too good for them before you do. But I am thankful he did.
In one year, four times the bridesmaid — and never the bride
I’ve learned that I deserve God’s best, and I will wait for it!
Returning to My First Love
God tugged at my heart and kept telling me to turn away from the relationship, so with the smallest ounce of faith, I did. I’m thankful God doesn’t close the door on our faces when we return to Him after a season of distance. I’m so glad I have a Jesus who is full of grace and love.
This premature romance turned out to be a great step of faith for me — a step of trust. God went out of His way to protect me, to protect my heart, and — in a way only God can do — return the glory to Himself.
God’s girls don’t eat crumbs off the floor. No. God paid for us, gave his Son for us, and we eat at God’s table! I’ve learned that I deserve God’s best, and I will wait for it! Don’t sacrifice what’s best for what’s now.
At the time, I felt compelled to share my story of how God led me through my disappointment — how He didn’t let me have what I wanted. After that, I kind of just forgot about it.
My girlfriends celebrating my 22nd birthday
[God’s] eternal love is greater than my desire for earthly love and acceptance.
Four years later, God is still faithful, still leading me through it, still teaching me how to battle through singleness.
I’m still the girl who has never seriously dated anyone while all of my friends are married or almost married. I’m still the girl who gets told, “It’ll happen when you least expect it” by aunts, uncles, and grandma.
But God is teaching me that He will honor my wait. He is shaping my heart to love Him more, love Him first, love Him when my trust and faith is dire and small.
God is reassuring me that His presence in my life is the forever promise that I can firmly hold to, that his eternal love is greater than my desire for earthly love and acceptance. I am holding on to Him, trusting His timing, and betting on Him above all else.
God will honor my wait, because He is a good, good Father.