Stephanie wanted a baby, but Jesus wanted so much more
My desire to become pregnant consumed me.
When my husband and I were married in 2002, we knew that we wanted to have a child right away. We had no clue of the long road awaiting us.
I learned that I had to trust in Him fully despite my doubts and fears that I would never have a child.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Soon after, fertility treatments began. One unsuccessful fertility treatment after another followed. For seven years, our hopeful attempts to conceive ended in failure, and our dreams of having a baby began to fade.
A Light In The Darkness
Often, I felt as though I was doing something wrong and I didn't deserve to have a child of my own. I wondered if I was being punished. My sister gave birth after my first failed fertility treatment. I began to struggle with a deep depression and attempted suicide. I felt like giving up.
During such a dark time, friends of ours invited us to NewSpring in the fall of 2009. After attending, I felt like something more than the inability to conceive was missing in my life.
The desire to learn more about Jesus was placed on my heart.
A New Hope
My husband and I had never attended a church consistently. It was just what our family needed. I accepted Jesus as my Savior and was baptized on Sept. 13, 2009 along with my stepdaughter. My husband accepted Jesus on Oct. 4, 2009. Not too long after that my stepson did the same.
Being a part of NewSpring and having Jesus in my life began to change my outlook on the struggles of conceiving a baby. My obsessions turned from my inability to become pregnant to my newly accepted Savior.
Slowly, Jesus taught me that He alone was enough. After all, He blessed me with a wonderful husband and two beautiful stepchildren!
My faith in Jesus grew tremendously. For the first time, I was completely OK with the possibility that I may never have a child of my own. I knew that the plans Jesus had for my life far outweighed mine. My husband and I prayed fervently that if it was His will, we would conceive.
In August 2012, during the night of worship at the Bi-lo Center, God’s answer to our prayers became clear as we were singing the song "Always.” Instantly, I felt Him speak to me when the lyrics, "I will not delay," were being sung aloud.
Two months later, I found out that I was pregnant! I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. We named her Sadie Elizabeth. Sadie means “mercy,” and Elizabeth means “God’s promise.”
In His Timing
On my first Sunday back to church after giving birth, I sat in the mother's viewing room with my beautiful baby in my arms. The band began to play the song "Always," and I knew that our faithful prayers had come full circle.
Through my trials, I realized that sometimes God’s answer is no and sometimes it is yes. But, God blesses us in His timing and for His glory. My new faith in Jesus brought me out of depression, and I placed my worries in His hands.
I learned that I had to trust in Him fully despite my doubts and fears that I would never have a child. At the time I wanted a baby the most, God knew that I needed something so much more: a Savior.