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Five lies singles hear on New Year’s Eve

By: rebecca garvin

When family gathers, aunts and grandmothers want to know all about your love life. And then they want to know why it’s non-existent. Good question, right? If the season of life you’re in is at all similar to mine, your New Year’s kiss is looking like a furry, four-legged slobbery one.
For a long time, my identity was a game of Jenga, and the players were those I gave my heart to. Significant others would come and go, and each time one left, I got shakier and more unstable. I would quickly try to fill the gaps, and add someone else to my rickety foundation. When circumstances finally left me standing on my own, I collapsed.
Slowly and graciously, the Lord has been rebuilding my heart and identity by showing me what it means to be completely dependent on Him. It isn’t always easy, though. Satan loves to try to exploit this season of singleness. He wants to see an opportunity for growth turned into defeat.

5 Lies About Being Single and The Truth That Helped Me

Lie #1: “I am undesirable; I am not good enough.”

The world wants us to fall into the comparison trap

If only I looked more like her…
If only I had what he has…

Comparison is a slippery slope that never leads to measuring up. The reality is we were created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Our worth is determined by the one who made us, which means we are free from the burden of having to earn or prove our value. God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13), and we are so valuable to Him that He went to extraordinary lengths to have a relationship with us (John 3:16). 

As I look back at all the times I let singleness equal worthless, I realize God was actually blessing me by keeping the wrong people from “wanting” me back. 

Lie #2: “If I had someone, I would be happier and feel better about myself.”

Whatever you give the power to make you, you also give the power to break you. An identity attached to someone else valuing you is a fragile one. God wants to be the defining factor of our self-worth and the source of our happiness. This way, whoever He places in our lives to love us can add to our fulfilled hearts rather than fill them for us.

Whatever you give the power to make you, you also give the power to break you.

Lie #3: "I need someone.”

We all do, and His name is Jesus! We all have a void that needs to be filled. As someone who has tried to fill it with anything and everything this world has to offer, multiple times, I can wholeheartedly say Jesus is the only One who can provide a lasting, true fulfillment that cannot be taken or shaken (Colossians 2:10). 

Lie #4: “I will never find real love.”

I sat in this discouraging thought a lot. I often base my hopes on what’s happening around me. So, when people let me down and society seems saturated with a crumbling definition of love, I find myself believing real love will never happen for me.

Relationships are supposed to mirror God’s beautiful creation of love. Who better to lead you to love than the creator of love Himself? (1 John 4:7-8). 

Lie #5: “God is holding out on me.”

God is a good Father who only gives good gifts. Why would He send His only son to die for us, if He had a heart to deprive us? That is not God’s character! We are precious to Him, and He wants to give us more than we could ever ask for or imagine, in all areas of life (Matthew 7:11 and Isaiah 43:4).
Until we fully grasp and accept the love God has for us, we can’t wholly love or be loved. God shows us what it looks like to be both the pursuer and the pursued. The world’s definition of being wanted is based on how many people desire a part of you. Why is that something to strive for? Why is that something we seek out to create a sense of self-worth? 

When our identity is based on who we are in Christ, we can confidently step into who God has created us to be and hold tight to the value that comes from being purchased with the highest price ever paid. 

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