9 Ways to Increase Awesome Romance

Beth Marshall

Someone asked me recently how often married people should have sex. Quite honestly, the question made me squirm like a 2-year-old on espresso.  

I wonder if people are curious about sex stats because their “sexpectation” is miles away from that of their husband or wife. Social media only intensifies the insecurity, with people constantly oversharing about their perfect partner and steamy love connection.

God has given us the freedom to enjoy sex within the covenant of marriage. As long as both parties are into it and honored by it, the Bible says go for it (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Instead of focusing on what we can do, or how often we do it, the better question might be, “How can I pursue my spouse so relentlessly that the romance will naturally follow?” Intimacy is one of God’s most excellent creations, and sex was never intended to cause comparison or anxiety.

How To Keep Romance Sizzling After the Honeymoon Is Over

1. Never take your foot off the gas pedal.

Remember how committed you were in the beginning? Think about what you did to capture your spouse’s heart in the first place. Creative dates, laughing out loud, dressing up occasionally to go someplace awesome? Do those things again.

Ladies, if you’re in your pajama pants and fuzzy slippers and it’s not bedtime, it’s probably time to dial it up a notch. You are worth it! And gentlemen, remember it’s OK to take a shower even if it’s Saturday. “I do” should never mean, “I’m done.”

2. Sex starts in the kitchen, laundry room, and sometimes the bathroom.

OK, that sounds weird. But washing the dishes, doing laundry, and bathing the kids can be more romantic than a dozen roses.

3.  Let God in.  

Mark 10:9 reminds us the Lord brought us together in the first place. And since He came up with the idea of intimacy in marriage, don’t be afraid to ask Him to help keep your connection strong.

4. Just say no to family bed.

While kids sleeping in the parents’ bed provides extraordinary birth control, family bed will sabotage your time as a couple. Kick the little cherubs out. They will survive.

5. Say kind things to and about your husband or wife.

Philippians 4:8 says, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things.”

How would it change the way you see your spouse if you focused on what is admirable about him or her? Think of the top five things you love and appreciate about your spouse and share them in a love letter.

6. Text your husband or wife during the day.

And if it’s R-rated, pray your phones don’t get confiscated or hacked.  

7. Always kiss your spouse first.

Dads of small children, before you run to your irresistible offspring remember: You loved her first!

8. Chill out.

After a long workday, whether it’s making million dollar deals, chasing toddlers, or both, give your spouse a 20-minute sabbatical. Pour a refreshing beverage and give your spouse time to decompress before the second shift of dinner, homework and bedtime routines. A few minutes to regroup can make your sweetheart feel appreciated and energized for the evening ahead.

9. Take The Five Love Languages quiz by Dr. Gary Chapman.

It is a phenomenal resource to learn how to  pursue your beloved forever!

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