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Breaking Through The Break-Up

By: nikki beville

Have you ever lost someone you thought you loved?

I dated a guy pretty seriously my sophomore year of college. We dated for awhile. We were best friends, we loved Jesus, we loved students and we loved adventures. We had a great relationship.

After dating a while, we broke up. His heart wasn’t in it. My heart was shattered. The day after we broke up I remember weeping in my Bible saying, “Jesus how could this be your plan for me?” In Mark 7:37, it says everything He does is wonderful. All I could think was, “How is this wonderful Jesus? My heart hurts everyday.”

The Lord allowed my heart to be temporarily broken so it could be fully satisfied in Him.

It took months for me to see what Jesus was trying to show me. Jesus promised He would completely heal my heart and He did heal it, but healing didn’t happen overnight. It took months of pursuing Jesus more and more, and having to trust that He has great plans for me and He wants more for me.

The Lord allowed my heart to be temporarily broken so it could be fully satisfied in Him. And in that season, He taught me four important lessons about dating:

1. Always choose obedience over temporary satisfaction (Psalm 55:16-17).

As a girl I know we long to be loved by a man, we want the cute Instagrams, flowers, date nights and romance. All of those are great things. But as soon as a relationship with a boy becomes more important than your relationship with Jesus, drop everything and run to Jesus fast! It is so hard to date. As girls, we often play this head game that I call “house,” the one where we plan our life with someone  and imagine how many kids we will have or what kind of house we will live in. When we do this, we make promises to ourselves that our boyfriends can’t keep. When we put expectations on someone and it fails, we are left disappointed.

2. Break off any friendships or relationships that are not leading you closer to Jesus (Psalm 62:5).

Girls, let me share some honest truth here. If you haven’t found yourself completely satisfied in Jesus’ love, you do not need to date. It is hard enough to maintain and pursue a relationship with just Jesus alone. Imagine trying to date someone on top of that. Until you recognize the depth of Jesus’ love for you and understand He is the only man that can love you the way He does, you don’t need to date.  I’m 20 years old and it took a bad break up for me to realize how much Jesus truly loves me. I don’t deserve a love like His at all.

3. Don’t take detours through your storms (Psalm 56:3-4).

Sometimes the Lord takes everything away to show us how much we need him. Sometimes its painful. DON’T RUN FROM THE PAIN! Trust me, it doesn’t work! Throughout my breakup, I tried to run from the pain and what the Lord wanted to teach me throughout it. I tried to lie to myself and pretend I was over it— I took detours that made the process a lot longer and harder. Don’t run to other boys. I promise it won’t be satisfying.

4. Don’t be bitter; it is bad soil for your soul (Proverbs 20:22).

You can look at a break up from two different perspectives:

  • Mope around and be sad about it. Don’t use your time wisely to grow.
  • Be thankful the Lord allowed you to be apart of that person’s life for a season, and that He allowed each of you to help the other grow.

Today Jesus has completely healed my heart. I am not ashamed that I got my heart broken. I promise Jesus has so much for you. Everything He does is truly wonderful; sometimes it’s just a blessing in disguise.

You may be reading this and thinking, “I’ve tried to lean on Jesus. I’ve tried to pray about it and it didn’t help.” Stick with Jesus. He always wins. Don’t settle for the worldly things. Choose Jesus. He is greater and better. It takes time with Jesus every day for healing to occur. Embrace every day as a new day. Enjoy and explore what you have in front of you. Don’t let your emotions lie to you. Don’t compromise. Pursue Jesus day by day, step by step. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, know who loves you.

Make every season beautiful. You are loved, beautiful, cherished and wanted!


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