Fixing your marriage starts with you

You know the feeling.

You’ve spent several hours in the same room but neither of you has spoken a word. It’s the dreaded silent treatment. Was it something you said? Something you did? What was it this time?

Conflict in marriage is inevitable. The key isn’t avoiding marriage problems but learning how to navigate them together. Both the husband and the wife are responsible for contributing to the marriage (Colossians 3:18-19). It’s not a one-person job. But no matter who’s to blame, you’re both held responsible.

Responsibility in marriage means embracing tension, not running away from it.

Taking responsibility for a marriage means abandoning blame and seeking reconciliation. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s unity and moving forward together. When two spouses take responsibility for the sake of their marriage, the relationship has the potential to be amazing.

Responsibility in marriage means embracing tension, not running away from it.

Reaching a resolution doesn’t happen overnight when one or both spouses are to blame. Reconciliation is a process, and the first step is accepting responsibility.

3 Ways To Take Responsibility For The Problems In Your Marriage

1. Own Your Mistakes

No one’s perfect. Marriage shows that truth like few other relationships can. Sometimes problems arise from specific character traits or sins, like selfishness, laziness, or mistreatment.

Confess your sins and admit you don’t have it all together (James 5:16). Honesty is an essential foundation for any relationship to thrive. Admitting your imperfections specifically allows you to address the issue with your spouse and deal with it together. It provides a clear path to move forward in one direction rather than apart.

2. Commit To Change

Once you know what’s holding back your marriage from being the best it can be, resolve to do something about it. If you do nothing, the situation won’t change and you’ll continually fight the same battles with your spouse.

Challenging circumstances — marriage problems included — provide us with the best opportunities to grow (James 1:2-4). Growing comes through listening to Jesus and taking next steps with Him, which produces both internal and external change in our lives (1 Timothy 4:13-15).

3. Keep Your Promises

Follow up on your words. Don’t just sound good; do good. Promise-keeping is work. If you fail the next day, admit it and get back on track.

God doesn’t want empty promises and neither does your spouse (Ecclesiastes 5:4-5). We become more like Jesus when we stick to our word, not spinning a web of excuses or conditional promises (Matthew 5:37).

Our role model for responsibility is Jesus. When our sins separated us from God, Jesus took responsibility even though He hasn’t the source of the problem. He took initiative and rescued us from our sins so the relationship could be restored (Romans 5:8, 11).

The more willing we are to take responsibility for what’s not right in our marriages, the more we’re acting like Jesus.

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