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How to be a girl worth pursuing (and why that matters)

By: emily becker

With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’m reminded again of my singleness. As a woman of the Lord, I know my strength is found in Him.  

I’ll get together with all my single ladies for our yearly tradition of “Galentine’s Day,” but the truth is, I still find myself hoping Mr. Right will come along because I’m tired of waiting. 

I’ve considered going for it and asking out the guy I’ve had my eye on for a while. Ever been friends with a guy and wondered when it was going to click that for him you’re into him? 

If I don’t ask him out, how else will he know? But is that OK? What does Jesus want for me and for you?

Look for a Man Who Will Lead Your Family

It’s hard when you’re single to consider what you want your family dynamic to be like when you’re married. But dating is a pathway to marriage. 

My fear in asking a guy out is that I will have become the leader in the relationship, which is not at all what I want, nor is it what God wants for us. Ephesians 5:22-33 paints a beautiful picture of what a relationship between man and wife should look like: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” 

At first glance, the feminist in me thinks, “Why should I submit?” But the next part gets me. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

I truly want a husband that leads. I want him to make the first call by pursuing me.

Husbands are called to love us with bravery, to protect us, to make difficult decisions. If you’re anything like me, it’s hard enough to decide which clearance necklace to buy at Target. I truly want a husband that leads. I want him to make the first call by pursuing me. 

Live Where God Has You Now

Wanting a man to pursue me doesn’t change the fact that no one is currently pursuing me. How do I trust God and continue waiting patiently? 

The ability to wait ultimately comes down to whether I trust that God wants what’s best for me. Maybe in this season, God is using my singleness to grow me closer to Him, and perhaps a boyfriend would be a distraction. Maybe God is preparing a young man’s heart to take on the pursuit of mine. 

I can’t know God’s mind, but I can obey His commands (Romans 11:33-36).  

We are called to be obedient to what Jesus has for us right now. Whether we will eventually marry or not, we all have opportunities in front of us today to make a difference for His kingdom. 

The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried as I am … An unmarried woman… is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.”

Sometimes all I can think about is, Will my husband listen to the same music as me? Will he enjoy hiking? Will he love coffee?

It’s not bad to dream, but if those dreams distract me from experiencing Jesus in the here and now, I’m missing out on more than being married.

It’s not bad to dream, but if those dreams distract me from experiencing Jesus in the here and now, I’m missing out on more than being married. I’m missing out on what Jesus wants to do in me today that will help me be a better wife tomorrow. Just like I want to marry a man of good character who will lead the way in asking me out, my future husband wants to marry a woman of noble character who loves Jesus and puts Him first in her life. 

Single ladies, let’s stop chasing fantasies about the perfect guy, the perfect wedding, the perfect family. Let’s change our focus to solely pursuing God and loving those around us. 

God may be calling you to marriage, but He has not called you to pursue the man of your dreams. Let God take care of that for you. Let’s choose to remain obedient and trust in God’s timing and His plan for us. And maybe that guy will finally have the courage to ask you out.

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