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Why your marriage needs a mentor now

By: ashley thrift

“You don’t have to put up with that.”

“You should just get out of that marriage.”

Those are all words I heard as my husband and I were struggling to keep our marriage alive. Was I seeking the right counsel? Absolutely not.

Like most people, I had to learn the hard way how to put God first in my marriage—how to not make it all about me. I wanted to hear that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, that it was all him and he was the reason for all of our problems.

Oh, how that was so far from the truth! But to satisfy my selfishness, I surrounded myself with people who would justify my wrongdoings. They weren’t putting Jesus first in their own lives or marriage, so how could they judge me? What I didn’t realize was just how toxic the wrong counsel could be to my unraveling marriage.

The influences around us impact more than just our present; they impact our whole future.

Why It’s Important to Have a Christian Mentor

No marriage is perfect. No couple has the manual for a flawless marriage, because there isn’t one. Every husband and wife is going to mess up. Each person is going to have his or her own individual weakness that the devil will use to try to tear apart what God has joined together. Putting Christ first is our armor against those weaknesses.

When Jesus is in the center of our marriage, we can see Satan’s tactics for what they really are: weapons of destruction. We can see for ourselves which counsel is a tactic for destruction or a tool for construction. The influences we surround ourselves with can easily become who we are and how we believe if we are not careful. If we fill our minds with negativity, the negativity eventually becomes us. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Our spiritual sharpness comes from being around other spiritually sharp people.

5 Qualities of a Mentor

How do you determine if someone can help you become spiritually sharp? A trustworthy mentor is someone who:

  1. Loves and puts Jesus first in their own life and marriage (Psalm 16:8).
  2. Cares about both about you and your spouse (John 15:12).
  3. Aligns their advice with God’s promises and truth (Galatians 6:9).
  4. Is more selfless than self-serving (Philippians 2:3).
  5. Uses tools for construction, not tactics for destruction (Deuteronomy 20:4).

4 Places to Find a Mentor

If you’re having trouble finding someone to look up to, consider the following:

  1. an older member of the church,
  2. the couples in your NewSpring Group,
  3. a member of your extended family,
  4. a trusted friend,

Our trials and struggles are all a part of God making our marriage stronger. He really does work in all things “for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

Practical Ways to Get Started

  • We tend to believe lies that reinforce selfish, sinful behavior. Evaluate the opinions of others as well as the ones you form yourself. Do they align with God’s teaching and promises?
  • If you are not a part of a Group or are in need of support from someone you can trust (for yourself or your marriage), you can find a Group at
  • If abuse or domestic violence is in your marriage, please seek help immediately by calling NewSpring at 864-965-9990.

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