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Would you let your friend ruin your marriage?

By: ashley thrift

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Birds of a feather flock together”?

I unfortunately learned this to be reality the hard way, as women are more prone to fall into the trap of gossip. The more I socialized with people who degraded their spouses or spoke unhappily about their marriages, the easier it became for me to do, too. It wasn’t until I got away from that company that I realized how easy it was to be impacted by the company I kept.

When I was around people who could so easily complain about their spouse’s bad habits or slackness, it became easy for me to fall into the pressure of trying to relate socially in conversation. What I didn’t realize was happening was that I was allowing this negative conversation to influence my character; poisoning my relationship with my husband and opening the door for negative input from others on my marriage.

The Company You Keep

1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us, “Bad company corrupts good character.” Even though my intentions in those conversations were never to slander my husband, it became so easy and normal. It became how I thought and how I felt. It became my focus.

Instead of focusing on all the good things my husband did — all of his good habits, the way he showed his love for me — I became more focused on things he didn’t do, his bad habits, and all the ways I felt he didn’t show love for me. The conversations I allowed myself to engage in were poisoning my personality — altering the way I thought, the things I said, the actions I took — and the negative input I allowed in response to my words became toxic to my marriage.

What I Did When I Realized How My Marriage Was Becoming Toxic

“Birds of a feather flock together” means the company you keep reflects your personality. I did not like who I was becoming, nor where our marriage was headed. So, I got away from my bad company, and with a sincere heart, I began transforming myself from who I allowed myself to become, to the wife my husband deserved — the wife God called me to be for him.

Although now I am cautious about the company I keep, I have also learned to disengage myself from those negative conversations or simply engage by standing out and praising my husband. After all, our character can influence others just as the character of others influences us.

Our character can influence others just as the character of others influences us.

An Alternative to Spouse Bashing

What can we consider before engaging in negative comments about our spouses? Ask yourself:

  • What kind of man do you want your husband to become?
  • Are your words helping him to get there, or do they just tear him down?

Proverbs 31:11-12 describes different attributes of women with noble character, including this: “Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Does your husband have full confidence in you? Do you bring him good all of your days? I have learned what great honor and joy it is as a wife to bring my husband goodness and build his confidence in me. I know that my words are crucial: I can lift him up, or I can tear him down. 

Every great husband has a great wife, not behind him tearing him down, but beside him lifting him up with support, encouragement, and prayer.

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