Session 3

Tired of feeling misunderstood?

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

Remember back before you were married. What did you think it would be like? 

We enter into marriage with expectations of the roles we’ll play and the kind of spouse our boyfriend or girlfriend will be. But what happens when life doesn’t turn out that way? Maybe you wish your husband was more involved with the kids or that your wife wasn’t so bossy. 

For many couples, marriage looks more like a TV sitcom than the romantic comedy we dreamed about. He tries hard but he still feels like he’s the punchline of a joke, instead of her knight in shining armor. When she speaks she cringes because her voice sounds more like the nagging, wicked stepmother than the princess at the ball. 

In the Bible, God shows us a picture of marriage unlike anything we see on TV. Couples are called to mutual submission, honoring each other’s strengths and showing grace for each other’s weaknesses. Rather than competing with each other, they support one another’s desires and dreams. 

When Peter calls women the “weaker” partners, he’s not saying they are morally or intellectually inferior. He’s calling men to protect, respect, and serve their wives, to see them as partners in a culture where women were especially vulnerable to attack or abuse. 

To women, Peter says, “do not give way to fear” (1 Peter 3:6). The fear that he’ll leave, or drop the ball, or do something wrong will always lead us to the most controlling versions of ourselves. To cultivate “a gentle and quiet spirit” takes courage. The courage to be vulnerable with your spouse, to listen when the Holy Spirit says, “Hold your tongue,” and to trust God to bring change in His time and His way. 

Marriage in the Bible is a picture of mutual submission. Submission is a scary word in our modern world. But submission in the Bible is not abusive or domineering. It’s both partners willingly putting the other first out of love and respect for God and each other. It’s choosing to be united rather than being right. 

Questions for him:

  • Would your wife describe you as understanding? 

  • What’s one thing you could do to try to better understand her point of view?

Questions for her:

  • How much time do you spend focused on how things look rather than how things really are?

  • What’s one thing your husband complains about regularly? How could you take a step to change that thing today?

Questions to talk about together:

  • How is your marriage different than you thought it would be?

  • Ask each other, “What’s one way I could be a better spouse to you?

3 of 14

Devotionals From This Study

to Discover More

Session 1

Commit to more than not getting divorced

When it comes to setting goals, we tend to focus on performance rather than purpose. As a result, we frame goals negatively. We vow, &ldq...

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Session 2

What it means for two people to become one

We are told from the outset that in marriage “two become one.” But with all the differences between you and your spouse, how ...

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Session 3

Tired of feeling misunderstood?

Remember back before you were married. What did you think it would be like?  We enter into marriage with expectations of the roles ...

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Session 4

Three steps to better communication

Does it ever feel like you and your spouse speak completely different languages? You say one thing, your spouse hears another, and so beg...

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Session 5

Are you winning the arguments in your marriage?

How often do you look at your spouse and think no one on the planet would agree with his or her point of view?  So many times, what...

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Session 6

How to keep the friendship alive

“I love you, and I like you.”  When was the last time you heard or said these words to your spouse? Falling in love see...

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Session 7

How are you serving your spouse?

When was the last time you considered your spouse’s feelings and needs first and served them without keeping score? There are many ...

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Session 8

How to be more romantic

"Do you have a reservation?" "Yes. Do you have a table ready for me and the girl of my dreams?" Cue butterflies, batting eyelashes, and...

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Session 9

The best sex is sacred

God created sex, and it is good!  When God brought Adam and Eve together in the Garden of Eden for the first marriage ceremony, the...

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Session 10

Why dreaming together is a powerful practice

We were designed to dream.  According to psychologists and neuroscientists, looking into the future, consciously and unconsciously,...

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Session 11

A new way to talk about money

Think about the last argument you had with your spouse. If the fight started about money, you’re not alone. Money Magazine found th...

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Session 12

You are a new family who can make new traditions

One love story, one ceremony, one brand-new life starting from two totally different families.   When you marry, you are gaini...

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Session 13

Are you forgetting your first love?

For many married couples, adding kids to the family is the next “natural” progression in life. The joy you feel when you look...

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Session 14

Disappointments don’t have to break your marriage

We all encounter loss or disappointment at some point in our life. Where do you go when you don’t get the job, when your kids decid...

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