Session 3

Three steps to better communication

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

Does it ever feel like you and your spouse speak completely different languages? You say one thing, your spouse hears another, and so begins an evening of arguing. 

Marriage is a gift, meant to bring us joy, make us more like Jesus, and be a visible example of God’s love for His children. Communication is often the biggest obstacle to what marriage is intended to be. 

So how do we change how we communicate?

1. It starts with you. 

It’s easy to point a finger at our spouse. Think about how often you start sentences, “If only you would ...”

The end of that sentence might be an area of weakness for your spouse. But the truth is we can’t control our spouse’s actions. We can only control our own. Improving communication starts by turning that finger back on ourselves and asking the Lord to show us our own sin (Matthew 7:5). 

2. Examine your heart.

What comes out of our mouths is an overflow of what is in our hearts (Luke 6:45). Chances are if you don’t like what you’re saying, or if your spouse doesn’t like what they’re hearing, the issue is in your heart, not your words.  

3. Listen to the Holy Spirit. 

When we are in a relationship with God, His Spirit lives in us. The Holy Spirit gives us the power to change the way we communicate with our spouse. 

Our conversations don’t need to be filled with anger, rage, slander, lies, or foul language (Colossians 3:8). Instead, as we follow Jesus and learn to take His attitude toward our spouse, we show grace for each others’ faults. We forgive one another, submit to one another, and love one another. It’s pretty easy to guess which behaviors will produce better communication between a husband and a wife. 

Better communication doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a daily decision to choose loving God and loving our spouse over loving ourselves. But when we allow God to show us how to communicate, He will strengthen our marriages and be honored through them.

Questions for him:

  • Which behaviors from Colossians 3 do you see in yourself?

  • What do you want to see more of instead?

Questions for her:

  • Which behaviors from Colossians 3 do you see in yourself?

  • What do you want to see more of instead?

Question to talk about together:

  • What’s one thing I could start doing or stop doing to improve how we talk to one another?

3 of 14

Devotionals From This Study

to Discover More

Session 1

What it means for two people to become one

We are told from the outset that in marriage “two become one.” But with all the differences between you and your spouse, how ...

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Session 2

Tired of feeling misunderstood?

Remember back before you were married. What did you think it would be like?  We enter into marriage with expectations of the roles ...

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Session 3

Three steps to better communication

Does it ever feel like you and your spouse speak completely different languages? You say one thing, your spouse hears another, and so beg...

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Session 4

Are you winning the arguments in your marriage?

How often do you look at your spouse and think no one on the planet would agree with his or her point of view?  So many times, what...

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Session 5

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Session 6

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Session 7

How to be more romantic

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Session 8

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Session 9

Why dreaming together is a powerful practice

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Session 10

A new way to talk about money

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Session 11

You are a new family who can make new traditions

One love story, one ceremony, one brand-new life starting from two totally different families.   When you marry, you are gaini...

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Session 12

Are you forgetting your first love?

For many married couples, adding kids to the family is the next “natural” progression in life. The joy you feel when you look...

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Session 13

Disappointments don’t have to break your marriage

We all encounter loss or disappointment at some point in our life. Where do you go when you don’t get the job, when your kids decid...

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Session 14

Commit to more than not getting divorced

When it comes to setting goals, we tend to focus on performance rather than purpose. As a result, we frame goals negatively. We vow, &ldq...

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