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Session 14

Who makes the first move?

Read: Song of Solomon 7:9-13

We all know the story. Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Boy proposes to girl. They live happily ever after.

Books, movies, and even the church have taught us that men should make the first move in dating. But somehow that idea evolved into the thought that husbands should initiate sex as well. Can women feel secure in making the first move?

In marriage, husband and wife become one (Genesis 2:24). Our responsibilities may look different, but both are called to love the other physically and emotionally. And when that happens, both spouses feel the freedom and security to initiate sex and express their love.

Just look at Song of Solomon 7. The wife has no problem making the first move, saying, “Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages” (Song of Solomon 7:9-13).

Song of Solomon 7:10 gives a hint a where her boldness comes from: “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.”

Her freedom in expressing her love comes from knowing she is one with her husband. Her security in his love gives her the freedom and confidence to initiate and enjoy sex. There is no pressure or fear of what the other party will think, just the freedom to enjoy.

So husbands, continue to love your wives. Be a gentleman. Be her Prince Charming. Go ahead, sweep her off her feet. And wives, don’t feel like you have to wait for him to bring the romance. Take a page from Song of Solomon, and tell your husbands how you feel.


  • Do both you and your spouse feel secure in initiating acts of love?
  • How can you better express your love to your spouse this week?
  • What is one way you can encourage your spouse to feel secure in expressing his/her love, both physically and emotionally?

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