How to Regain Trust in Your Marriage After Financial Betrayal
Dalton Blankenship
I didn’t trust my husband anymore. More anxious and fearful than I’d ever been—I was also angry. It wasn’t just financial issues anymore. Every area of our relationship was affected.
But I loved him! How had it come to this?
As a seven year old, I learned money’s power. I moved out of my bedroom into one with my brother—so we could rent my room to a stranger.
My world tilted that day and it wouldn’t right itself for 55 years.
I didn’t lose a room. I lost comfort and safety. It was about money. If there was enough, we were safe. If there wasn’t, we weren’t. And when we weren’t, I was afraid.
I brought that fear of financial insecurity to my marriage—without desire for shared responsibility. My husband brought desire to protect and provide security—without knowledge to manage our income. We were both flying blind.
Constant Worry
Almost always in debt, we couldn’t save or plan ahead and ultimately filed bankruptcy. Had it not been for a patient bank, we would have lost our home. Then it got worse.
My husband lied. I trusted him when he said, “We’re fine.” We were anything but! Then he borrowed money, plunging us further into debt, thinking he could fix everything before I found out.
How could he do this to me? I was hurt, scared and angry. I blamed him for everything. But I didn’t take one step toward helping—and I wouldn’t forgive him. This was my sin—as damaging to us as his financial betrayal.
The real betrayal wasn’t between my husband and me, however; it was between us and God.
The real betrayal wasn’t between my husband and me, however; it was between us and God.
Digging Out of the Damage
Our problem was unrepentant sin. This was an incredible light-bulb moment for us. We had to put God first.
With no regular income and a lot of prayer, we did three immediate things:
1. Resumed tithing
2. Sought help with money management
3. Made management a joint effort
We are a work in progress. My husband is learning that his head isn’t the place for financial records! I’m learning to offer help instead of criticism. He knows I’ve got his back.
6 Beliefs That Will Battle Your Debt and Renew Your Marriage
Believe that...
1. Satan uses financial stress to destroy relationships (1 Peter 5:8).
Debt keeps us from serving God—and each other.
2. God must be first, even before our spouse (Matthew 6:33).
Tithing is a reflection of this commitment (Malachi 3:10). When spouses tithe together, it shows they trust each other.
3. Money isn’t ours.
It’s God’s. We only steward God’s provision (James 1:17). Money is jointly held, no matter who earns it. We are one; so is our bank account (Genesis 2:24).
4. A spouse doesn’t have to be good at everything.
God put us together because we have complementary gifts (1 Peter 4:10).
5. You need help.
Getting financial counseling to set a budget—and sticking to it—is the only way to debt freedom (Proverbs 15:22).
6. God is faithful.
Trusting Him protects us, brings peace, and enables a wounded party to forgive (Philippians 4:6-7, 19).
God has blessed us!
We learned trust and generosity and we’re now debt free! Our marriage is stronger than ever. And I’ve not worried about money for the last eight years. We are putting God first as the three of us work—together—to steward our financial blessings well. Together is a really good place to be!