Do you know the five things men really want?

Trevor Cox

Intimacy is so much more than sex.

Men tend to think sex leads to intimacy, yet women often see it the other way around. Men and women are wired up differently, and that’s OK. Understanding each other’s perspective will go a long way toward making a marriage more intimate and fulfilling.

Paul wrote to Christians: “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). When we’re focused on meeting our spouse’s needs rather than our own, the relationship is better off.

Besides “have more sex,” here are:

5 Ways Wives Can Grow Intimacy With Their Husbands

1. Keep dating us.  

Dating is how it started. Dating can help it keep going. When a couple says, “We’re no longer in love,” you can almost bet they stopped dating. A healthy relationship does not just pop out of the ground; it’s cultivated.

A healthy relationship does not just pop out of the ground; it’s cultivated.

Remember how much you focused on each other during your first dates? Whether you’ve been married 17 days or 17 years, you can do this. Ask each other questions; be interested. If you’re making the date about each other, it’s going to be a great date.

Before we got married, my wife and I went on at least one date a week. We still do after 17 years of marriage and we’re better for it.

2. Use your words.

Talk good to us; talk good about us. Ladies tend to underestimate how their words can build us up. On the other hand, telling others about your man’s failures erodes trust.

My wife is good about letting me know when I’ve done a good job around the house or with the kids. I can live a long time on a bit of affirmation from her.

3. Want us more.

We want to be wanted—and not just sexually. We want you to like being around us. We don’t always have to be talking; proximity counts. Be the first to hold our hand. Greet us at the door when we come home and send us off with a kiss. These things mean more than you could imagine.

Even through small gestures, my wife has convinced me that she wants me around.

4. Communicate clearly.

A man in love would do just about anything for his woman. But a lot of the time we don’t know what you want. We can’t act on things we don’t know. The next time you want us to do something for you, just spell it out for us.

My wife knows I’m not a great mind reader. It is great when she says, “This is where I want to go to dinner,” or “It would mean a lot to me if you’d pick up the kids today.”

5. Focus on Jesus.

Spouses do better together when they’re both individually focused on Christ. When we’re open about our struggles, we struggle less. When we’re honest with each other about our individual weaknesses, we’re stronger together.

My wife does a great job of encouraging me in my relationship with Jesus. She tells me regularly, “I’m praying for you today” and asks me what I’m learning in the Bible.

For all of us, a successful, intimate marriage comes down to Jesus because “in Christ all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17).​


Men, want to know what women want? Check out this article about four things women want that can build intimacy in your marriage. 

Related Content

to Discover More

Article

20 questions to improve your marriage

marriage relationships husbands sex wives

God is for your marriage! If you will commit to working on it, He can bring you closer together.  ... read more

Read Article

Article

Why your marriage needs a mentor now

community marriage love relationships

“You don’t have to put up with that.” “You should just get out of that marriage.&rdq... read more

Read Article

Article

What “Two Become One” Doesn't Mean

marriage love relationships

I’m a rule follower. If you tell me what the expectation is, I will do everything in my power to meet t... read more

Read Article

Article

The only way to have the best sex

marriage relationships sex

To a lot of people, the idea that marriage is between one man and one woman and that sex is only appropr... read more

Read Article

Article

What does "guard your heart" mean in a relationship?

marriage dating relationships sex

Most of us can name at least one sign of a heart that’s in poor physical shape, but recognizing danger ... read more

Read Article

Article

4 blush-worthy things the Bible says about sex

marriage relationships sex shame

Nothing reduces a collegiate art classroom into nervous giggles quite like the sculpture of David by Michelan... read more

Read Article

Article

Should I marry my valentine?

dating love relationships sex

Often, people will become so enamored with the idea of being in a relationship that they become brain-dead to... read more

Read Article

Article

9 Ways to Increase Awesome Romance

marriage love relationships sex

Someone asked me recently how often married people should have sex. Quite honestly, the question made me squi... read more

Read Article

Article

Do you know the four things women really want?

marriage relationships sex wives

Marriage is God’s creation. It’s a gift and a picture of His love for His followers. God desires ... read more

Read Article

Article

I’ve already had sex, why stop now?

dating love relationships sex purity

For too long, I believed that to make a man happy, I needed to fulfill him sexually. I thought that if I didn... read more

Read Article

Article

Can love last?

marriage love relationships failure performance

When I was a junior in college, I found myself homeless. The apartment I’d reserved before I left for a... read more

Read Article

Sermon

The Love Pattern

From Tighten the Knot

Feb 19, 2018

marriage love relationships divorce

We fall in love. We forget how to love. We stop fighting for love. This is the story of so many relationships... read more

Watch Sermon

What's happening at NewSpring Church?

  • Need to Know: Weekly email to keep you informed about what's happening at NewSpring
  • Fuse News: Email for Fuse parents sent on the first Monday of the month
  • KidSpring Scoop: Email sent at the beginning of each series to give you the scoop on what's happening in KidSpring
  • Read My Bible: Daily devotional sent via text from 6-7am

Subscribe