Session 5

Are you winning the arguments in your marriage?

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

How often do you look at your spouse and think no one on the planet would agree with his or her point of view? 

So many times, what started as a small disagreement quickly spirals into a fight, and neither of you wants to back down. But as hard as it is to accept, it is more important to be reconciled than to be right. 

It is more important to be reconciled than to be right.

As Christians, we are called to forgive those who hurt us, whether that person is a total stranger or the person we sleep beside every night. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone, Jesus says, “... no not seven times, but 70 times seven.” Jesus’ point is that there isn’t a limit on forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-22, NLT). 

God never put a limit on the number of times He was willing to forgive us, and we are to do the same for others (Ephesians 4:32). 

God forgives us not because we are forgivable, but because He loves us. We are His. Love is the key to forgiveness. In a marriage, sometimes you have to choose to love your spouse not because they are lovable, but because they are yours.   

What does it look like to choose love in marriage? It means not reacting in the moment. It means holding your tongue when you want to speak your mind. It is committing to praying for your spouse. It is elevating your spouse’s needs over your own. It means choosing to forgive before your spouse asks for forgiveness.   

Winning the argument is never worth losing the marriage. Unity in marriage isn’t the result of two perfect people living life. It’s what happens when two flawed people learn to forgive.

Question for him: 

  • Is there anything you’re refusing to forgive your wife for?

Question for her:

  • Is there anything you’re refusing to forgive your husband for?

Questions to talk about together:

  • How is winning an argument different from resolving a disagreement?

  • What’s one way I can love you better when we disagree?

  • Finish this sentence: I know you’re sorry about _______ and I forgive you. 

5 of 14

Devotionals From This Study

to Discover More

Session 1

Commit to more than not getting divorced

When it comes to setting goals, we tend to focus on performance rather than purpose. As a result, we frame goals negatively. We vow, &ldq...

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Session 2

What it means for two people to become one

We are told from the outset that in marriage “two become one.” But with all the differences between you and your spouse, how ...

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Session 3

Tired of feeling misunderstood?

Remember back before you were married. What did you think it would be like?  We enter into marriage with expectations of the roles ...

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Session 4

Three steps to better communication

Does it ever feel like you and your spouse speak completely different languages? You say one thing, your spouse hears another, and so beg...

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Session 5

Are you winning the arguments in your marriage?

How often do you look at your spouse and think no one on the planet would agree with his or her point of view?  So many times, what...

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Session 6

How to keep the friendship alive

“I love you, and I like you.”  When was the last time you heard or said these words to your spouse? Falling in love see...

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Session 7

How are you serving your spouse?

When was the last time you considered your spouse’s feelings and needs first and served them without keeping score? There are many ...

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Session 8

How to be more romantic

"Do you have a reservation?" "Yes. Do you have a table ready for me and the girl of my dreams?" Cue butterflies, batting eyelashes, and...

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Session 9

The best sex is sacred

God created sex, and it is good!  When God brought Adam and Eve together in the Garden of Eden for the first marriage ceremony, the...

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Session 10

Why dreaming together is a powerful practice

We were designed to dream.  According to psychologists and neuroscientists, looking into the future, consciously and unconsciously,...

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Session 11

A new way to talk about money

Think about the last argument you had with your spouse. If the fight started about money, you’re not alone. Money Magazine found th...

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Session 12

You are a new family who can make new traditions

One love story, one ceremony, one brand-new life starting from two totally different families.   When you marry, you are gaini...

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Session 13

Are you forgetting your first love?

For many married couples, adding kids to the family is the next “natural” progression in life. The joy you feel when you look...

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Session 14

Disappointments don’t have to break your marriage

We all encounter loss or disappointment at some point in our life. Where do you go when you don’t get the job, when your kids decid...

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